On the 1st week of finals my teachers gave to meeeee
4 Hours of crying
3 Mental breakdowns
2 Thoughts of dropout
& A month of anxiety
"The sunset today was at 4:27 PM
And if that doesn’t explain why the winter makes me sad
Then I don’t think you could ever understand depression.
Everyone is swimming towards the shore;
Somehow my feet have touched the ocean floor.
I used to think that it took bricks tied to ankles to
Force myself to sink.
I’ve realized now I’ve been the anchor for my own ship all these years.
I am gasping for air even while standing on solid ground,
You can’t see it but I feel the water in my lungs.
I’m not afraid of being sad
I’m afraid that I will never find that happiness again.
It’s irrational but if it made sense
Do you think I’d have written a few dozen poems about it?
And it’s not like some miracle pill is going to make me feel like the summer again.
Everyone entertains Christmas in July
But I just want July during Christmas.
I can’t stand the feeling of ants crawling in my veins,
My teeth grazing the inside of my cheek until I bleed
Out all the anxiety inside of me.
This body isn’t even two decades old
So maybe I just need a few more years to break it in,
I’m just worried that it might break down before I get that chance.
I worry about a lot of things that will never happen,
Like ghosts in my windowpanes and skeletons in the floorboards,
Or ending up alone.
I don’t need to sell out my funeral,
But I’m nervous I won’t have any attendees.
If you can’t think of anything to say,
Because I know I wouldn’t,
You can read this poem as my eulogy.
You can explain that it doesn’t take a casket, a few nails
And a flatline on an EKG to know
That I slept in bed with death,
Instead it can happen long before a heartbeat begins to freeze.
It happens when depression wrings you by the throat,
Squeezing so hard
You kiss the ground with your knees.
I’ve been choking since the day I learned how to breathe."
"Young men need to be socialized in such a way that rape is as unthinkable to them as cannibalism."
catching fire was really good
i’m so glad they stayed so close to the book
now i hope they change mockingjay completely
"Don’t talk to yourself in such a way that if you did so to a friend, it would end your friendship.
If you had a friend dealing with the same things, you wouldn’t berate that person, say, ‘You’re not working hard enough,’ ‘You suck,’ or ‘You’re not as good as [whomever].’ You’d offer your friend encouragement, you’d try to point out all the things your friend did right, and how much progress your friend had made.
You should do no less for yourself.Be very careful how you talk to yourself. Because you are listening."
christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”
"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"